Friday, August 1, 2008

Conversation between potential car buyer and Sidewalk Monkey, via telephone, 2 hours ago

Potential Car Buyer: Hmmm. What were you hoping to get for it?

Sidewalk Monkey: I was going for $900 or so, but now I don't have time to get it smogged and I'm moving in like two days, so I'll take as low as $500. Because now the buyer has to smog it himself. I didn't know till just now about the whole smog thing.

PCS: I can do $250.

SM: Um...? Well, how about I wait and see if somebody else makes an offer, and then call you tomorrow if I still have it?

PCS: Cool. I can be there within ten minutes of your call.

SM: Oh. Wow. Ok.

PCS: I can tow, like, ANYTHING.

SM: Uh. Well! That's great, but the car drives just fine. Doesn't need a tow.

PCS: Oh. (Sounds disappointed.) Ok. That's good.

SM: What's your name?

PCS: Kahio. K-A-H-I-O.

SM: Hey, that sort of sounds like a Hawaiian name! Are you from Hawai'i?

PCS: No.

SM: Oh. Sorry, it's just I am, and I always get excited when--

PCS: But what I am is really good looking.

SM: ...

PCS: If you want me to be Hawaiian, I'll be Hawaiian, baby.

SM: Um, that's...huh. Nice of you?

PCS: You got it.

[So then I got off the phone and thought, what just happened? Did my car sales call turn into a gigolo solicitation call when I wasn't paying attention? Did I call a potential car buyer that has been doing a lot of very casual dating recently who got confused midway through the call? Is "You emailed me about my car for sale," some kind of grownup code for something booty-call-related that no one has filled me in on?

Happy news is that someone bought it for a much more comfy price than $250 and now I don't have to wonder whether I should call this guy.

But sad news is that now I miss my car, which I named Lucille. I think I need to write a blues ballad about her. Any suggestions for lyrics will be appreciated.]

4 comments:

SurfRunner said...

yeah...you should see what "garage sale" and "seeking painters for house renovation" means in grown-up code. just kidding, i have no idea what it means. But if your phone conversation was any indication, i'm sure it's scandalous.

way to sound hot on the phone!! =)

sidewalk monkey said...

hee hee.

Mayumi said...

[to the tune of "lucille," duh]

i picked a fine time to leave you lucille ...

with an engagement and a new house in the vinefields ...

we had some good times, some santa barbara good times, but this time the goodbye's for real...

i picked a fine time to leave you lucille.

sidewalk monkey said...

you are brilliant! *applauds*