and I don't know why. It's not that anything bad is going on; in fact, everything is going swimmingly. It's not that I haven't felt strong emotions, because I have; it's not that my gratitude about how loved I am and how tailored-to-me my life is starting to feel has diminished even a little. If anything, it keeps growing at the kind of alarming rate a puppy grows, and in leaps.
So I am just going to blog away, post this, and be happy I wrote something.
I finally got my real acupuncture license in the mail over the weekend, so today I went to see a possible space in which to start my practice, and I am really excited about it. It is the first space I've seen, but in the way that I went back to get the first set of bridal jewelry that I saw when shopping in L.A. with my sister, I am pretty sure this is it. There are pros and cons; the biggest con is that this is a second-floor space and there's no elevator, so if I have patients who can't manage stairs, which is possible, they won't be able to visit me. However, the pros are overwhelming: it comes with a built-in community in the form of a healing arts collective that appears to be really invested in the success of its members; I like the woman who runs the collective; it's on a fantastic downtown block, with lots of foot traffic that is just fun to be on. There is a skylight.
My sister wrote this amazing play and won this huge competition and the play was read in L.A. this past weekend. Jam Guy and I went, and I am so grateful that my sister is so talented; this play, besides just being a really fantastic work, makes me feel closer to our mother, and makes me feel like Jam Guy got to experience our mother just a little bit. That makes me feel closer to Jam Guy, like we know each other a little better now. It makes me in awe of my sister. In some ways we are so alike, and in some ways she is always/still this awe-inspiring big sister from a superior planet, or something.
The wedding is coming together--we have this kick-ass Polaroid photographer coming to take snapshots of everybody; we have friends providing produce from their farms and gardens and other friends ethically and sustainably raising a pig to roast at the celebration; we have our friends with a marriage that we deeply admire officiating.
So a lot of good things are happening. I called 2009 the Year of Abundance in January, a little bit because I really felt it, and a lot because I felt if I said it enough it would just be true. And I do feel like things are constantly evolving towards good, like while there are good days and days that are just OK the general trend is better and better. And I am learning that happiness is not a summit you achieve and then rest at and admire the view; it is a constant effort. It takes every-moment work on my insides. Not always hard work, but not always easy; certainly it is worth it. I imagine it is part of growing up.
And the big things, the important things, like the sincerity with which Jam Guy loves me, like how much I like coming home every day and how blessed I feel falling asleep and waking up in my life, those don't change, but I am newly amazed every day by their not changing.