Friday, May 9, 2008

I have to get better at asking for help.

So--my car is in the shop again (maybe it wasn't my bad housekeeping!) and I have bronchitis; both of these things are slowing me down. Today I got up super early to take the bus to my 8:30 class. This meant I had to hop on a 7:15 bus, because public transit in San Diego can be a bit meander-y. When I moaned a little about my early morning to one of my classmates, three people piped up that if I had called them, they would've been happy to give me a ride.

Truth is that it crossed my mind, but I have a hard time asking for help. I feel embarrassed somehow--that I need, that I am not utterly sufficient. That being said, I'm usually happy when someone else asks me for help, and I counsel my patients to remember that everyone needs the support and love of other people, and that soliciting it is not inherently negative (or better put by my therapist in New York: "Needing is not the same thing as being needy."). I need to remember that in my own life. It's a process.

I remember when I was leaving the bad ex-boyfriend, I felt so in over my head that I didn't know what to do but reach out to everyone and ask, ask, ask. And everyone came through--I had a place to sleep, receptive ears to vent to, textbooks to borrow when mine had to be left in the very fast departure, jam mailed to me, help with shopping for clothes for my new "unfettered" look, money lent to me; kind words and gestures everywhere, far more than I could have expected. It was heart-healing abundance. It was just what I needed.

At that point I promised I'd be better at asking for help in the future, and I think I have gotten better, but there appears to be room for improvement. It will be something for me to practice.

1 comment:

SurfRunner said...

I feel you jiejie, we have the same problem. But, let's remember that we deserve to get back as much as we give. as self sufficient as we are, it's always ok to ask for help.